Yesterday I was forced to take a sick day due to feeling feverish all morning. Now I’m just doing my best to rest up while also keeping up with schoolwork. I’ve got an essay due as well as Chemistry assignments that need to be taken care of. Needless to say, it’s a difficult balancing act.
I’m always frustrated with myself when it comes to sick days. I know it’s more important that I focus on getting better and not pushing myself any harder than I need to, but it’s frustrating to put off things I wanted to get done, and even more frustrating to take off work as I know I’ll have to make up for it later. Especially now that I’m a full-time student in addition to being the sole provider for a family of two children.
“How long you think that you can
Run that body down?
How many nights you think you can
Do what you been doin’
Who, now who you foolin?” – Paul SimonRun that Body Down by Paul Simon
This is a line from a Paul Simon song that I’ve really felt in tune with recently. Although Paul was no doubt referring to a more “eat, drink, and be merry” practice, I’ve found that being a workaholic can be just as self-destructive for a lot of people. I often find myself forcing myself to go above and beyond only to regret it the next day. No matter what I do, I can never feel satisfied with myself even if I’ve spent the entire day getting things done. There’s always something that I feel I’ve let slide through the cracks.
I honestly don’t want to even think about the list of responsibilities that lie solely on my shoulders now. I’m afraid that if I think about it I’ll just realize how foolhardy I’ve been being. That no matter how much I push myself or persevere, I’m eventually going to reach a breaking point where I can no longer live up to the expectations I’ve set for myself.
I honestly hope it doesn’t come to that, though. I want to believe that I can provide for my family while still pursuing a college education. I want to think that blogging and YouTube videos can be a fun, creative exercise without interfering with my studies. I often wish I could meet myself 5-10 years from now and just be told that it’s all going to turn out. That “this too shall pass,” and it’ll all be okay.
The reality is I can do a lot, provided I’ve set my mind on it. The problem that persists is that eventually, the stress and pressure inevitably catch up with my body forcing me to take a break. Maybe that’s what sick days are for; to force us to take a step back and pace ourselves a little better over the next few days. Of course, I’ll be back to my old ways of self-neglect before long, but for now, I suppose it’s nice to have a break.